Blessed

I read a quote once: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God." That quote would pretty well sum up this last week or two of teaching. We've now been in school for almost 5 months and the mid year, 2-week break is coming up after the end of next week. I think it's time. I think the kids think it's time too.
The last few weeks, I have come to the end of my rope. I have discovered that in myself, I don't have the patience I need to be a teacher. I have discovered that in myself I don't have the love for my students that I need to have. They do things. They bug me. They get under my skin. And then...well, let's just say teaching's not quite as fun then. But in this discovery, I've also discovered something else. God does have the grace and patience, love and creativity that I need in order to work with my kids. When mine is all spent, I can rely on His. And it seems the more spent mine is, the more His kicks in.
Take Tuesday for example. Monday and Tuesday were not very good days with third grade, especially. I was trying to be patient. I was trying to be loving. But it's hard when you feel like you're talking to yourself because no one else is listening. And then to top it all of, on Tuesday, right before leaving to come home, I realized that two boxes of crayons were missing from my desk. That did it. I came home furious.
"God," I complained, "I work and work. I spend so much time planning and thinking and trying to come up with creative ideas to work with these kids. And it's like they throw it back in my face. I make stuff and it gets destroyed. God, this isn't fair!" And then, ever so gently, He reminded me that, hmmmm......sometimes I do the very same thing to Him. And how does He respond versus how I tend to respond? And then, He gave me His presence and peace. The next morning, I arrived at school still quite upset and not quite sure I was ready to face a room full of 20 third graders. And again, God was faithful to take over where my rope ended. As I stood before 20 wiggly 7 and 8 year olds, God gave me this incredible calm and lack of frustration. I was able to explain to them what had happened and how we wouldn't be able to work on a specific project until the crayons were found and returned to my desk. And you know, they stopped being wiggly third graders and they paid attention! That was the turning point for the week so far in my interactions with third grade.
Wednesday came and went an there were no crayons revealed. I was wondering if they would in fact show up in the end. But lo and behold, Miriam found the last 5 crayons this afternoon in a box of papers and things.
Throughout the last couple of weeks, God has made it apparently clear in many situations that I need to rely on Him instead of my own strength. I don't have what it takes to be an amazing teacher and to reach students. But, as He keeps reminding me, He does have the strength, grace and peace that I need and that He will only give it to me if I ask.
So maybe I am at the end of my rope. But I've been so blessed by receiving from God the last few weeks. Not that I want third grade to be bad just so I can receive more from God...heaven forbid!) But I've been finding God to be incredibly faithful in the midst of all that's going on. I've realized how much I need to lean on Him and trust Him.
Paul said something similar in 2 Cor. 12.9, where God says to him, "My grace is sufficuent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". It's my life verse and I think it's becoming more and more so the longer I live and the more times I can feel God's presence with me when I'm clinging for all I'm worth to the very end of my rope. We truly serve an amazing God!